Para's Ponderings

If you had the power to obtain the thing you want most, would you take it?

This is something I’ve recently spent some time contemplating. The obvious answer seems to be yes, but this runs deeper.

I generally subscribe to the idea that everything happens for a reason, which logically implies that anything that has not happened is not meant to happen. I find this to be a very easy idea to follow, albeit, rather cruel, at times. I often consider life as if it’s a script, and everything plays out exactly as it’s supposed to. I would be concerned that making any conscious change to this can impact the natural order of the universe.

I, like any other person, have things that I want. I also have something that I want more than anything else. If I had the power to change my destiny, and make this my reality I almost feel like it wouldn’t be real. I’d know that I wasn’t meant to have this, which would inevitably lead to a lot of self doubt and sadness surrounding me not deserving this.

Simply stated, if this thing was something I was meant to have, I would already have it.

I am conscious of how time fits into this conversation. What if the thing you want is going to happen, just not yet? Does forcing it into the world earlier than expected cause any issues? Is the thing any different? Would it have been better to have waited for it to happen naturally? I feel that the uncertainty brought about by this idea would mean it is safer to not take this choice if it is presented.

As I’ve previously discussed on this blog, any choice you make has the ability to prompt significant changes to the world around you. If I had the ability to get the thing that I want, there is a chance that the impact on the world around me would be immense.

Firstly, what if me having this thing causes someone else to not have it, what if they were meant to have it, and not me? That person then ends up without the thing that they were supposed to have, so me (likely a stranger to them) gets to have it? Now, in practice, this person would likely never know, so no suffering will come to them as a result of this, however I would always have this thought in the back of my mind.

Secondly, what if this thing is absolutely never meant to occur? What if it sets off a chain of events that could end in disaster for myself or someone else? It may seem relatively low-stakes but there is no way to know what the possible impact can be.

Uncertainty is often fearsome, and almost always unavoidable, but you can certainly help by not adding additional uncertain variables to the equation. If I need to spend all my time worrying about the impact of this choice, there is a large chance that my enjoyment of the thing I’ve been wanting will be altered.

Another angle to look at this from is the possible personal consequences of bringing this choice to life. What if it’s not the right thing for me? What if this is the worst thing that ever happens to me? What if this thing is just absolutely not meant to happen, and bringing it into existence prompts untold misery for me? This assessment may be dramatic, but is merely a byproduct of the uncertainty of this situation.

I cannot personally imagine any situation in which this thing happening wouldn’t infinitely brighten my life, however there is no way to know.

As a negatively biased person, I tend to look into the negatives of any hypothetical situation before I begin to consider the positives, but every logical truth I enact can be spun positively for a similar but less disastrous outcome.

Something to consider may be the fact that if everything happens for a reason, this is also happening for a reason. If I develop the power to change things, then it’s fair to assume that this was supposed to happen, which means that I am supposed to have the thing I want. Maybe it’s possible that me wanting this thing so much that I force it into existence is the reason that it works at all. Maybe it’s the only way it could ever come to be.

Something I hadn’t previously considered, but am now pondering after a conversation earlier is that I may be over-exaggerating the impact this would have on other people. If my original thought was that it would be safer to change nothing, so no one else is impacted, maybe that was was too considerate of other people and not enough of myself. Maybe it would be worth it. I really welcome this perspective, because it’s something that wouldn’t have ever crossed my mind.

I’ve never really thought that where would be a context where I would disregard other people, or would ignore the possible consequences of my actions. I am a known overthinker, dwelling on every possible outcome before I can do anything – I can’t leave the house without spending an irrational amount of time contemplating it first.

Do I truly deserve the things I want, even at the cost of other people, or perhaps, the cost to the natural balance of the universe? Maybe none of that matters. Maybe I should remain persistent. Maybe my persistence is the closest thing I’ll ever have to powers. Maybe I can use will-power alone to force things to be the way I’d like them to be.

I can’t let fear rule me, especially not in a situation like this. I’ve come to the conclusion that I should persue this at all costs. Which of course, is absurd. In reality, I have no control at all. It’s easy to spend your time thinking about how much you want something, but a lot harder to grapple with the reality that it’s as far away as it’s ever been.

Perhaps spending time contemplating these hypothetical scenarios gives me the flickers of hope that reality never could. Maybe a small break from the inevitability of it’s unattainability is the best I can ask for at a time like this.

I’ve never been one to blindly hope for things. However, I’ve never been one to shy away from outright rejecting reality if it’s not painting the picture I want it to. So, I’ll remain cautiously optimistic, and there are going to be times when I’ll want to succumb to my urges to give up, but I think maybe… some things might be worth persisting for.